Crying

When was the last time you had a good cry? Not a tear here and there, but a really good boo, hooing kind of cry? Was it yesterday, today, last month? Tonight I find myself alone right now, my husband is out of town, and my girls are fast asleep. I was watching a chick flick and just began crying. I then just letting it all out. I am not affraid to admit it, crying, yup a whole lot of boo hooing.

It got me thinking, why do we cry? We cry because we are sad, happy, scared, you can cry with just about any emotion. Crying is not bad either. I know sometimes we think crying is a sign of weakness, that we need to be strong for our kids. Sometimes we apologize for crying, why?

I don't cry as often as times in the past, and maybe that is because my life is different right now, but why did I cry today? The movie I was watching was not sad, so why the tears. Well let me explain.

I cried because I am going to miss my friend that has moved back to Hawaii. She has been there for me in times that no one else has been, and known things about me that not to many know. She is a very wonderful inspiration to me and it will be hard not to see her once a week. She is only going to be gone a year, and she will be back periodically, but I still will miss her terribly.

....because I am also saying good bye to some really great people that are moving away. Friends that have been around for a long time and now won't be there anymore.
....for the things that I can't control. Watching friends deal with cancer (in their baby), a friend that had to bury her baby, friends suffering from loss, someone dealing with her husband as he is having heart problems, marriages falling apart. Things that I can't do much about, just feeling helpless.
....for friendship. Friendship that I don't have...I miss having a 'best friend' like when I was younger and I had a 'best friend'. We were the M&M's. Yes I love my husband, and yes we are friends, but not like a friend that will go shopping with you, and give you the honest opinion, a friend that just calls out of the blue or late at night. I miss that kind of friend deeply.
.....for failure. Failure to keep my small figure, failure to be the best wife, mother. Failure of my health sometimes, failure of my self esteem. (wow that was deep).
....for my sister. Who is holding on and praying each day to help her babies enter the world healthy and happy.

Now as I cry here in my room while everyone is sleeping I am feeling renewed. There is a song that I love to listen to and one of the lines in the song is, "when we cry we are letting go of heart ache deep inside'. I believe that is true. We cry we let out the deep feelings of heart ache, which make more room for joy. More room for less stress. More room for love. Crying isn't bad, it isn't a sign of weakness, it means we are alive...we are feeling...we are living.

I found this quote that I really love:

"We can't predict all the struggles and storms in life, not even the ones just around the next corner, but as persons of faith and hope, we know beyond the shadow of any doubt that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and the best is yet to come."
L. Tom Perry, "Let Him Do It with Simplicity," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 7

We will all have struggles, we will have sadness, opposition, we will have moments when we cry, and after that cry we can feel hope.


Love,