Today

You know when people ask you, 'What are you doing today?' or 'What is on your schedule for today?' 'What do you have planned for today?' etc. I wanted to talk about what I am doing today. I am reading...(unusual for me), I am reading about others effected with Crohn's, the way they are suffering, did suffer, how they managed their healing, what worked for them in their lives. I am reading books on how to manage my symptoms, how to cook for my illness. I went to the library and checked out every book I can. I am tired, tired of suffering and what any ideas I can have. I feel as though I am a sponge, absorbing any and all information I can. Will that help, I don't know. I have found that I like reading. I am trying to expand my reading, by that I mean reading other things other than one author. I am trying to take my mind off of my sufferings and put that energy into something else.

What do I read? I have been reading mostly Crohn's books, learning a lot about different ways to manage symptoms but I am learning so much more. Learning that I am NOT alone. There are others somewhere in this world that are suffering along with me, feeling the same loneliness that I am feeling. There are others that are suffering different ways with this disease and silently thanking Heavenly Father for my issues that don't seem to be as bad. It helps to read about others suffering and what has helped with them, and giving me ideas to try. I have been reading recommended books on NPR, and books on best sellers list. I have never read so much in my life. I have found that the library is a place I can go and pick up these books without to much trouble.

Back to today. I am sitting in a quiet house wondering what the rest of the world is doing. I wonder this a lot. As I am home bound a lot the last few weeks, I tend to sit in this quiet house and wonder how everyone else is living their lives. How fun it must be to go to lunch with friends, go to work, work out at the gym, take their children to the park, or just going to the grocery store. How wonderful it must feel to be able to walk around the store without knowing where a bathroom is or if your hip is going to hold out long enough to make it through the check out line. I think of the sisters in are ward that are at playgroup, talking about the troubles in their lives, but being able to get out to do that. I wish I was shopping, walking around the mall or outside at an outlet store (even if I don't have money), just enjoying the time alone. I wish I could be at the park playing with my children (who are in school), I miss them anyway. It is funny how I sit here and think how the world is still moving, people are still living, even though I am not able to walk far distances, or stand very long. It can really bring a person down, that is why I have started reading.

So today I read... I read to help get my mind off of things I can't control, I read to think about others who are suffering and offer a silent prayer in their behalf. I read to find solace, comfort, love, and all other things books can offer. I read to pass the time, to help with the quietness. I read because I enjoy it.
Today I also think of things I can do that won't require much movement. (I have been suffering from leg swelling and joint pain). I love to sew and if I am feeling up to it I might finish the jumpers for the girls. It will help with keeping me busy, feeling as though I am living along with everyone else, that I am normal. It will help me know that I can accomplish something.

On another note, my observations:

I usually do the laundry in one day, that way I am not worrying about it all week. I wash it, put it away and then not think about it until next week. The last couple of weeks it has taken me a lot longer to accomplish every day tasks, including the laundry. So when I was putting some of my laundry away today, so that I would have some space to sit, I noticed something quite funny. EK wears at least 2 outfits a day, sometimes more, (I am really trying to stop her from doing this) and she has twice as much laundry as anyone else in this family, which I found funny today. I was feeling so badly while folding laundry that I added clothes to EK pile (these were really MA), and wondering why MA clothes were missing.. HAHA Then while putting my clothes away I noticed the funniest thing of all, ALL of my clothes were PJ's. I haven't dirtied anything else in the last week and a half but underwear and PJ's. I found that funny, sad, and strange all together. More funny that anything else. That explains a lot.

I have also not been able to do much around the house, so I depend on MA and EK to help me out. MA does the dishes and takes out the small garbage's, while EK is suppose to clean the living room and her bedroom. They both are to put there school stuff in their cubbies. My house looks quite interesting. It looks frozen in time. You can tell that I had to stop in the middle of things. The floor is half vacuumed, sewing is half done, blankets half folded etc. It looks like something from Willie Wonka. It probably doesn't look that weird to someone other than me, but it still makes me laugh. I use to be able to accomplish anything I wanted to and finish a project, now it's hard to get things done. Oh well, I guess it could be worse.

For the rest of the day I will be reading, and resting until the girls come home with some much needed hugs and kisses for me. I must say my family is very sweet and kind to me during these times, and I am grateful for this.

Until Next Time,
MAE